Tomorrow is the day. My quit smoke day, and I am so nervous! I don’t care how bad I want them, I am done…. I have waited for this day for about 2 months. I’m not going to lie, I am scared to death. I don’t know how I am going to handle this, but I am going to handle it. I just hope that my family understands and I don’t make them to miserable through the process!…lol…
Also, on January 1, 2009 will be the beginning of my new life. I am ready to make myself healthier. It’s time. I need to quit being lazy, and just do it. I have to be here for my kids…. I cannot let them down by getting diabetes and dying, getting so big that my heart can’t take it and have a heart attack, plus smoking…. That all equals DEATH… I cannot die on them. I have to see them live, and I want to see my grandkids (when the time comes)..
I have to make it. I cannot give up, I just can’t…
Ok, I’m done with that…
Love, Light and Laughter…
Angela 
You know I have gotten to thinking. Where the hell did the real Christmas go, and who the hell knows where I can find it? The Commercialism of Christmas is one of the most evil things on a supposedly holy day. People have lost any meaning of Christmas. Christmas was the day Jesus was supposedly born. Do you think people honor that any longer? Even Christians are on the band wagon. I know that they have there little Christmas plays, and they have the Christmas morning services, but that is it. That is all that Jesus is celebrated. even the Christians hurry home to open presents and not just the children, its everyone.
I was warning my children that this Christmas was going to be sparse. I don’t have the money to do what I have done in years past… Then my 6 year old Kaylee looks at me and says “Mom, as long as you have a Merry Merry Christmas, I will be happy.” I broke down right then. I cried my eyes out. I am so happy that I have taught my girls that there is more to Christmas than what you get or how much you get.
I so want tradition to come back to my family before my girls get older. I had a little of tradition, but with a broken household, it was hard to keep it that way. This Christmas, my mother and I both have no money at all, so there will be no Traditional Christmas Eve dinner, My oldest is going with her dad and wonderful stepmother to Virgina for Christmas this year, and this will be the first Christmas without her and Sierra will be going with her dad and stepmother at 12:00 Christmas day till the weekend.
I am not in the Christmas spirit. I am sick of the Christmas songs, I am tired of seeing the sales commercials and I am SICK of the Christmas count down.
I do hope that Mr. Obama will help us out of this rut. Bring God back to this country, and bring hope to this world that has went to hell….
Off the Soap Box now…
-Angela
To start off I am so damn excited. I opened my first website in 2002 and she was named midnightgraphx.com. In 2004 I was low on money and I couldn’t renew my hosting and my name went dead. Well, I tried a few months later to get it back and someone had purchased the name. I tried to contact the new owner and he wanted $1000.00 for the name, I politely told him to go screw himself. So every year since that I have been watching the whois to see if the person renewed it. Low and behold he renewed it every year. Well I was on my domain name provider and I was looking up names and I thought what the hell, I was going to see how much longer the guy renewed it for….. AHHHHH It was FREE!!!!! My mom paid for me to get my name back for $9.15… So, now that you know that I will tell you about my big leap…
As most of you know, I have been too chicken to sell any of my original art work. The only person outside of family to own something I have drawn (not including the dolls I drew for a few people) but my work is Stephie. I am terrified to try to sell my art work. I mean petrified. So my mom, and my husband have finally pushed me to no end. Like threatening me and stuff… So……. Here goes…. I am going to put up a shop on my http://www.midnightgraphx.com and sell my originals. I will make 2 copies of the originals I decide to sell. I will frame them all and I will sell the original, a print and put a print up at the shop my mother and I have opened… I will do some on ebay and some on my website.
I am terrified of someone telling me that my stuff is not worth selling, so if anyone thinks I should not do this please let me know. So what I am going to do, is try it for a year. I will not give up for a year. Then I will see what has happened. If there are no interests or no purchases, I will close her down for good, and I will not put my art up again. I know that sounds harsh, but I can’t take it. It has took me like 20 years to decide to do anything like this. Argh…. my nerves are shot.
I have to do something. There are no jobs here other than fast food, and I can’t work in fast food. Not that I cannot do the jobs, I can, but I can’t stand the grease smell… UGH…
Please, Please, give me some input. Let me know what you think. I will have the art up hopefully by the end of the first week in January… I am begging you, tell me if you think I should do this or not….
Ok, Im done…
Angela
I sit here, with a migraine and obese… That’s right I said obese. Watching The Biggest Loser and eating Cheddar and Sour cream Chips, I am pondering why I don’t do something about it. I don’t understand myself sometimes. I fought through cancer, I made it through my dad killing himself. I made it through my middle daughter’s father left me for my mother when I was 6 months pregnant… but I cannot lose weight. That’s wrong, I know I can, but I don’t know why I cannot beat this food addiction. I know people thinks that sounds cheesy and unbeliveable, but it is true. I am addicted to food like I am addicted to cigarettes. Like a drug addict to there drug. Is there such a thing as Eaters Anonymous? Ok, giggle, and lol, but I am serious. I have tried the weight watchers, the diet pills but I can still eat through them. I am not healthy, I am not happy, I am extremely sad.
There is hope though. I have a plan. It is a secret, but it is nothing that is going to harm me, it will hopefully help me. I cannot tell you what I am talking about, because it seems like every time I talk about something I am going to do I fail. I am not going to fail this time. So In a few weeks I will shed a little light on the subject but not now…
All I ask for you now is to pray for me to have strength and wisdom to conquer what I am about to do…
Thank you so much,
Angela
I don’t know what to do. I barely had enough to cover two of the girls birthdays, one on Nov. 29th and Dec. 2nd. and I can’t even buy Christmas stuff yet and it is Dec 6th!…. What the hell am I going to do.
No customers, no nothing… I don’t even have anything to pawn.. Thats bad. I guess I could pawn the Playstation, but I don’t think it would bring much, but I guess something is better than nothing…
I know everyone is hurting right now, but man this sucks… How do you tell kids that are so innocent, that you can’t buy them things like you used to buy, and make them understand that they didn’t do bad and Santa isn’t mad at them, “He” just can’t afford to do it this year….
If someone has a good answer to that, let me know…lol…
Talk to you later.
-Angela 
What to do, what to do….lol.. How is everyone supposed to buy Christmas this year? Does anyone have any ideas of what to do?
We have the shop open, but we have not had one customer since we have opened.. I think I may put some jewely up on my etsy site and on my acyaws.com site and see if I can sell something there… I found my data cable for my phone to get the pictures of the shop off there, but now I can’t find the software to install it…lol…
Ok, Im done rambling, my daughter is standing over my shoulder reading what I am writing, so I will write more later… MUAH
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving..
-Angela 
Our Friend was cremated and today was his memorial. There were so many people there that we had to park up the road and walk down. My mother and I went together, and it was so hard to breath.
We finally made it in the Chapel, and we were able to hug and tell Our friend’s wife and family how sorry we were and believe it or not, I was looking for my brother to hug him and tell him the same, even though I have not forgave or forgotten what he has done. We searched the chapel, and the foyer and he wasn’t anywhere, and that was strange because he was supposed to be in the chapel with everyone else. Finally we went outside and there he was. He was with all the “bad” side of our friend. The trouble maker crack and pill heads. Well I was quickly humiliated in front of everyone when I reached up to hug him and he pushed my arm away really hard and yelled NO…. I could have crawled under a rock. I am not the one that was in the wrong, I did not screw up. So all I could do was stop breathing so I wouldn’t cry in front of everyone and I rand down the steps and believe it or not I ran up the road to where we had parked. I couldn’t breath, I realized that I was still holding my breath. Then I guess all the emotions from the week had finally had enough, I started crying so hard that I had to hold on to my van, so I wouldn’t pass out. I have not felt that in a long time. So I told my mother, even though I wasn’t talking to my brother before, that was it. I was done. I will not speak to him again, until he can grow up and admit to what he has done to everyone and he can apologize to my mother and myself for all he has done.
He is the one that is wrong. Not me.
Ok, I am done…..
-Angela
Today my mother and I were busy with the girls, laughing and cutting up trying to work on the shop and my mother got a phone call. You could quickly feel the change in the mood of the room. All I could hear was “NO!” and she started crying and went to the bathroom. I quickly followed her and she told me that One of the family friends had died. Our Friend was dead at 28 years old. A wife, three kids and he was gone.
Suicide is such a major disease in this country. It needs to be addressed and worked on. When it finally it me what she had said, all I could think of was the feeling I had when my dad killed himself. This is such a shocker. Even though I despise my brother right now, it was his best friend and I hope that he doesn’t do something stupid.
I pray that his wife and his family will be able to deal with this. They are in my prayers.
-Angela
HAHA… I can’t get the pictures I have for the shop off my phone to post… Dang it…lol… We are not even halfway done yet, to open, and mom has already done 4 arrangements…lol… I hope that it picks up really well. I am excited, yet nervous. I have only sold art to friends, and I hope that the people in town will like it….
Argh……..
-Angela
Since Tuesday Oct.21, 2008, I I have been helping my mom move things to our new shop. We finally aquired a building that she could afford and we are working hard to get it ready to open. I have pictures of what we have done so far, and I will post them tomorrow when I get them off my phone. The name of the shop is Petals Florist and Arts…lol… I know its corny, but mom wanted my art in there, I told her to leave it Petals Florist but she wouldn’t have it. She thinks that I can sell my art and crafts there and she wants to be able to say that there is a local artist on duty. So when the shop opens, each day I have to be working on some kind of art. Like Monday’s will be Painting, Tuesday’s will be Drawing, Wednesday’s will be Watercoloring, Thursday’s will be Making Jewelry and Friday’s will be crocheting….lol… I haven’t figured out what to do on Saturday’s, I may do digital painting….lol.
Anyway, wish us luck and I will post pictures tomorrow….
-Angela
