Tomorrow is the day. My quit smoke day, and I am so nervous! I don’t care how bad I want them, I am done…. I have waited for this day for about 2 months. I’m not going to lie, I am scared to death. I don’t know how I am going to handle this, but I am going to handle it. I just hope that my family understands and I don’t make them to miserable through the process!…lol…
Also, on January 1, 2009 will be the beginning of my new life. I am ready to make myself healthier. It’s time. I need to quit being lazy, and just do it. I have to be here for my kids…. I cannot let them down by getting diabetes and dying, getting so big that my heart can’t take it and have a heart attack, plus smoking…. That all equals DEATH… I cannot die on them. I have to see them live, and I want to see my grandkids (when the time comes)..
I have to make it. I cannot give up, I just can’t…
Ok, I’m done with that…
Love, Light and Laughter…
Angela 
You know I have gotten to thinking. Where the hell did the real Christmas go, and who the hell knows where I can find it? The Commercialism of Christmas is one of the most evil things on a supposedly holy day. People have lost any meaning of Christmas. Christmas was the day Jesus was supposedly born. Do you think people honor that any longer? Even Christians are on the band wagon. I know that they have there little Christmas plays, and they have the Christmas morning services, but that is it. That is all that Jesus is celebrated. even the Christians hurry home to open presents and not just the children, its everyone.
I was warning my children that this Christmas was going to be sparse. I don’t have the money to do what I have done in years past… Then my 6 year old Kaylee looks at me and says “Mom, as long as you have a Merry Merry Christmas, I will be happy.” I broke down right then. I cried my eyes out. I am so happy that I have taught my girls that there is more to Christmas than what you get or how much you get.
I so want tradition to come back to my family before my girls get older. I had a little of tradition, but with a broken household, it was hard to keep it that way. This Christmas, my mother and I both have no money at all, so there will be no Traditional Christmas Eve dinner, My oldest is going with her dad and wonderful stepmother to Virgina for Christmas this year, and this will be the first Christmas without her and Sierra will be going with her dad and stepmother at 12:00 Christmas day till the weekend.
I am not in the Christmas spirit. I am sick of the Christmas songs, I am tired of seeing the sales commercials and I am SICK of the Christmas count down.
I do hope that Mr. Obama will help us out of this rut. Bring God back to this country, and bring hope to this world that has went to hell….
Off the Soap Box now…
-Angela
To start off I am so damn excited. I opened my first website in 2002 and she was named midnightgraphx.com. In 2004 I was low on money and I couldn’t renew my hosting and my name went dead. Well, I tried a few months later to get it back and someone had purchased the name. I tried to contact the new owner and he wanted $1000.00 for the name, I politely told him to go screw himself. So every year since that I have been watching the whois to see if the person renewed it. Low and behold he renewed it every year. Well I was on my domain name provider and I was looking up names and I thought what the hell, I was going to see how much longer the guy renewed it for….. AHHHHH It was FREE!!!!! My mom paid for me to get my name back for $9.15… So, now that you know that I will tell you about my big leap…
As most of you know, I have been too chicken to sell any of my original art work. The only person outside of family to own something I have drawn (not including the dolls I drew for a few people) but my work is Stephie. I am terrified to try to sell my art work. I mean petrified. So my mom, and my husband have finally pushed me to no end. Like threatening me and stuff… So……. Here goes…. I am going to put up a shop on my http://www.midnightgraphx.com and sell my originals. I will make 2 copies of the originals I decide to sell. I will frame them all and I will sell the original, a print and put a print up at the shop my mother and I have opened… I will do some on ebay and some on my website.
I am terrified of someone telling me that my stuff is not worth selling, so if anyone thinks I should not do this please let me know. So what I am going to do, is try it for a year. I will not give up for a year. Then I will see what has happened. If there are no interests or no purchases, I will close her down for good, and I will not put my art up again. I know that sounds harsh, but I can’t take it. It has took me like 20 years to decide to do anything like this. Argh…. my nerves are shot.
I have to do something. There are no jobs here other than fast food, and I can’t work in fast food. Not that I cannot do the jobs, I can, but I can’t stand the grease smell… UGH…
Please, Please, give me some input. Let me know what you think. I will have the art up hopefully by the end of the first week in January… I am begging you, tell me if you think I should do this or not….
Ok, Im done…
Angela
I sit here, with a migraine and obese… That’s right I said obese. Watching The Biggest Loser and eating Cheddar and Sour cream Chips, I am pondering why I don’t do something about it. I don’t understand myself sometimes. I fought through cancer, I made it through my dad killing himself. I made it through my middle daughter’s father left me for my mother when I was 6 months pregnant… but I cannot lose weight. That’s wrong, I know I can, but I don’t know why I cannot beat this food addiction. I know people thinks that sounds cheesy and unbeliveable, but it is true. I am addicted to food like I am addicted to cigarettes. Like a drug addict to there drug. Is there such a thing as Eaters Anonymous? Ok, giggle, and lol, but I am serious. I have tried the weight watchers, the diet pills but I can still eat through them. I am not healthy, I am not happy, I am extremely sad.
There is hope though. I have a plan. It is a secret, but it is nothing that is going to harm me, it will hopefully help me. I cannot tell you what I am talking about, because it seems like every time I talk about something I am going to do I fail. I am not going to fail this time. So In a few weeks I will shed a little light on the subject but not now…
All I ask for you now is to pray for me to have strength and wisdom to conquer what I am about to do…
Thank you so much,
Angela
I don’t know what to do. I barely had enough to cover two of the girls birthdays, one on Nov. 29th and Dec. 2nd. and I can’t even buy Christmas stuff yet and it is Dec 6th!…. What the hell am I going to do.
No customers, no nothing… I don’t even have anything to pawn.. Thats bad. I guess I could pawn the Playstation, but I don’t think it would bring much, but I guess something is better than nothing…
I know everyone is hurting right now, but man this sucks… How do you tell kids that are so innocent, that you can’t buy them things like you used to buy, and make them understand that they didn’t do bad and Santa isn’t mad at them, “He” just can’t afford to do it this year….
If someone has a good answer to that, let me know…lol…
Talk to you later.
-Angela 
